Openness lives in confidence

Confidence in its true sense has no need for egocentrism.

I posted some months ago about finding my ‘roots’ – for me, my confidence - when I trained as a Co-active coach. It takes work to keep it fully present in my life, of course – many years spent feeling not-quite-worthy doesn’t go away in an instant. Having discovered and being able to access that fundamental confidence was life-changing, however.

I became hellbent on keeping it when realising just how self-centred my insecurity was. The concern and rumination that resulted from feeling small didn’t generously allow others to be what they are or think what they think when interacting with me.

Instead, people disagreeing with me could become subconscious threats instead of parties in a healthy debate. Compliments could be batted away, as said ‘just to be nice’ or for brownie points, completely depriving the compliment-giver of any authentic views of their own and of course robbing me of the pleasure of receiving it. It made my life smaller in so many ways.

Insecurity can fuel more defence than curiosity, more assumptions than questions and openness. Quiet confidence is what lets you allow others to be just as they are, while holding your own and being just as you are.

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Photo by www.felipetozzato.co.uk for Spark Ninety