What you say and others hear: make your communication clear

What did you hear in that meeting? What did the others understand of what you said?

It’s easy to take for granted that what we intend to communicate is what is heard. Human interactions are rather more complicated, though.

Imagine this:

In the meeting, there are three agenda items. Some of those present are more involved in one or two. You leave the meeting thinking ‘everyone’ had heard the points you made. After all, they were there, ears open.

But you spoke just after John’s suggestion was rejected. He felt a bit hurt and started thinking about how a suggestion he made a few weeks ago wasn’t taken up either.  Tom had tuned out already because he reckoned he was mainly in the room for one of the other topics.

Something you said caused Meg to realise she had forgotten to ask her partner to pick their daughter up the next day. She started texting him. Dan didn’t agree with you and started thinking about what he wanted to say in opposition.

All of them might have heard you say something, but did any of them hear what you intended to communicate?

This scenario plays out daily, in meetings, gatherings of friends and at home. We’re ‘there’ together, but each of us has a different experience, coloured by how we feel, our reactions, our past experiences and what we pay

attention to. That’s not going to change. Our brains remain individual, not fused like in Netflix’s Pluribus. If you’re aware of it, though, you can take steps to help create as much common clarity as possible.

In meetings, this might mean:

• Doing a check-in and see if there are distractions anyone will need to attend to – this helps focus attention on the here-and-now

• Set expectations for presence and active listening

• Paraphrase or ask for clarifications, or ask others to repeat what they heard

• Capture points and outcomes in the moment, for a common understanding that everyone signs up to (AI can help, but make sure it’s checked for the clear outcomes)

I haven’t made the point about an agenda and keeping to schedule. You knew that one already.