Which identity labels don't serve you?

What labels do you put on yourself?

Complete this sentence a few times: “I am…”(or “I am not”)  - what do you add? Write it down.

Some may be things you say: “I’m unadventurous” or “I’m shy.” Others might be labels you internally identify with, but don’t often speak out loud: “I’m clever” or “I’m lazy.” Be honest with yourself.

What impact do these labels have on your life?

For many years, I labelled myself as ‘not sporty’. I didn’t like PE at school and although I loved skiing, sports were ‘not my thing’. Even after 20  years of fairly regularly going to the gym, this label stuck in my head. I wonder what I chos

e not to do in that time, insecure around how I would inevitably flail and fail around those who were ‘sportier’. Like many of our labels, this one was not just about me, but about me compared to others.

The label didn’t budge even when I did.  After remote kayaking trips, many cycling holidays, and exercise 3-4 times a week, I would say I ‘do exercise’. I often kept it as a bit of a lonely pursuit. It took some very conscious looks at my labels to make me realise I can be sporty. In fact, movement is a major value for me. Without it, I’m not fulfilled. I also need connection - running or cycling groups add that, too. A new world opened up.

So, I’m a person who likes to move. These days, I’m fairly sporty when I want to be.

Now, over to you. Have a look at those “I am…” statements. Then scrutinise them - are you ALWAYS? Clever with all topics? Shy with all people, in all situations? How much of it is comparison – do you need to be ‘more clever’ than others or “less adventurous” than others? (This is part of a brilliant, simple exercise by Steven Hays, who is behind Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

After each “I am…” statement, add “or not”. What does that feel like? When you look through your reality, you’ll realise you are not your labels. You can start choosing how much you’d like to live them, and try different things for size.

Now write down a rephrasing of your statements: “I think of myself as…”

What’s possible when you don’t allow your labels to define you?

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ps - I like running, but have no current interest in doing a marathon or ultra. 'Sporty' activity doesn't need to be extreme!

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Thanks to Sam Thomson for a post that provided the inspiration!

For the exercise challenging your identity-labels, read Steven Hays’  ‘A liberated Mind’

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